Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
