It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
