life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
