I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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