We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
