Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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