He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
