Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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