I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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