he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
