my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
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