I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
