Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Randomize
