I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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