Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
