It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
