dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
