My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
