Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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