is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Such a big mess for such a small penis
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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