Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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