And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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