Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
