Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
