Fine. I'll sleep in my office
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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