if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
