Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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