Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
