I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
