Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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