Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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