I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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