i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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