god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
