Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
jump out the window naked night went bad
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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