Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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