Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
