I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
