Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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