My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
