he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
