my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
