I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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