I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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