we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Randomize
