White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
false alarm, still single
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
