What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
