highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
please don't ironically join a cult
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