I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
