MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
