Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
